The final session of Kenpo is now in the books. I knew it was going to be the final Kenpo of my P90X journey so I put on my Hong Kong Phooey pajamas, slipped into my Kobra Kai gi, and headed into the basement to kick some Tony Horton ass. After going over some last minute instructions from Mr. Miyagi, I picked up my 2 lb hand weights and started punching, blocking, and kicking like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. As I got further into the mission, I started wondering who this mysterious man Ken Po really was… Could it be a secret P90X operative? Was Wesley Idol only a stage name, and Ken Po was his real name? And why the fuck didn’t any of the 3 Tony Ho workout buddys actually punch and chop the shit out of him when he came over and PRETENDED to be hit by them?
Now the picture on the right shows the EXACT move that I would use on Tony if he ever attempted to give me “huggers” like he did to Dreya Weber after one of the workouts. As you can see, the technique involves a properly placed foot in the nutsack area to subdue the opponent. Notice the form and concentration required to place the heel directly into the scrotum and crush the testicle with a single blow. I personally feel that attempting to get into this striking postion puts to much strain on the knee. So I would simply just use the good old fashioned Nut Punt to take care of business. But I digress.
As I continue to kick and punch my way into a perfectly “ripped” body, I start thinking that maybe Vanessa the sweaty redhead may actually be Ken Po. As Tony Ho points out, she is using actual DNA Removal techniques, it almost sounds kind of James Bond 007 like. So I decide to investigate “Vanessa” more carefully. I start by entering her picture into the Karate criminal database. What do I find out…. Her real name is Kendra Polegobbler!!!! HOLY CRAP Batman!!! She may be the secret operative Ken Po!!! How can I possibly warn Tony Horton in time!!! I think her master plan is to remove some of Tony’s DNA and begin cloning him, filling the world with armys of complete douchebags!!! But how is she going to get the DNA extracted from Tony?? Must put on thinking cap….. I got it!!!! Looking back at the screen it all becomes clear. Tony has that satisfied smirk on his face, and the glistening DNA around Vanessa’s mouth could only be one thing!!!!
Will Ken Po be able to use the carefully hidden DNA to clone Tony and form an indestructable army of douchbags? Are Wesley Idol and Tony the Ex-Marine destined to be killed by Tony Ho clones? Is there a cure for being a douche? Will Hong Kong Phooey save the day? Are the Kobra Kai really just Tony Horton’s bastard children? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!!!!