It seems that Americas Favorite workout tool, Tony “El Douchebag” Horton is back at it again, and you know what that means??? Yep P90X 3 is now available for all of america (and Puerto Rico too!!) to send in our three payments of 39.99 plus shipping and handling to get our workout on.
Of course I am far to cheap to spend that kind of money on something that is easily obtainable by stealing it at a cheaper price. So once again I will be depending on the services of my favorite Big Brown Truck driver to “accidentally” drop off a package of P90X 3 on my doorstep. So I flagged down old Rocko as he was speeding through the neighborhood, and flashed him some “U.S. Gold Mint” coins that I had pilfered earlier in the month from the neighbors front porch. After some convincing that he could melt down one of the coins and use the gold to build a cap for his rotting front right incisor, we struck a deal. He would scan the warehouse for any “Team Beachbody” boxes and make sure one of them showed up on my porch within the next couple of weeks. I gave him my Uncle Morts phone number and assured him that Uncle Mort could fit a new Gold crown for him. Mort is a veteranarian, but Rocko does not need to know that. Mort runs a dental and VD clinic out of his garage to make some extra coin, and he provides me a nice kickback on all business I point his way.
Now there is really nothing left to do but wait…. and try to add a little extra fat to the old body so I can have a giant fat slob “Before” picture and hopefully a nice tight and tanned “After” picture. That is what I try to do the workouts in the winter/spring, so I look like a beach beluga whale, all fat and white at the start. Then my after picture is 3 months later, so I have a nice mexican sheen on my skin.
Now that I have access to this account again, I will try to update daily!!!! Tell your friends and neighbors!!!