Yoga… It is like a bad word to me. It takes advantage of my biggest weakness: “flexibility”. So imagine my horror when I noticed that P90X3 contained another Yoga session. I picked the DVD out of the case and trembled as I walked it over to the player. The picture on it is Tony in all his glory, all stretched out like a prostitiutes vagina. I cursed aloud, and then told myself “well, it will only be 30 minutes”.
- CHILD’S POSE – One of my favorites. I am actually pretty good at this one. ;^)
- VINYASA – Down to plank, Upward then Downward Dog with a push-up in between, then get back up and repeat.
- CRESCENT – This is about the extent of my Yoga. After this it gets hard.
- AIRPLANE – Flying around the basement. Most yoga classes would not appreciate my propeller noises.
- WARRIOR 1 and 2 – Again, I can do these, just not very well.
- REVERSE WARRIOR – I am getting better at this.
- BOUND SIDE ANGLE POSE – Yeah right, more like standing pretzel.
- CHAIR – Yeah, I can do these.
- WARRIOR 3 – I feel like a retarded superman, who can only fly on one foot.
- HALF MOON – A favorite among plumbers, this is where I start fumbling about a bit.
- TWISTED MOON – Not real good at this.
- STANDING SPLITS – I can’t do sitting splits, so why am I trying to do standing splits? This is not good for me.
- TRIANGLE – Most people reach their ankle, my hand is just below the knee on these.
- TWISTED TRIANGLE – Really?
- TREE POSE – HELL YEAH!!!! I can do this bad boy!!!
- EXTENDED LEG WITH TOE BIND – I can grab my toe!!!, move should be called “crooked leg with toe bind” for me.
- TED’S CHAIR – Ted can suck my ass. I legged chair pose, but then Ted goes all Zen on everyone, Tony gets a stiffy over it.
- CROW – I have eaten crow several times, but I cannot get the hang of this one. Lots of falling.
- CAT DOG – I think I have eaten Cat & Dog. The vietnamese restaurant around the corner calls it “chicken”.
- BIRD DOG TO DOG DANCER – I can do these, makes me feel like a Yoga champ.
- CAMEL – I was expecting a “hump” but instead it was just another yoga move.
- FIGURE 4 – I was hoping that Hacksaw Jim Duggan would pop out and put Tony in a Figure 4 Leg Lock. Damn 2 strapper.
- PLOW – For some reason the alt rock song “Plowed” was going through my head. Detroit’s own Sponge.
- FISH – Whatever, I was still singing “Will I wake up, this dream I made up, no I guess it’s reality”
- SHAVASANA – Killed this move.
The kids in this one were Stephanie Saunders the “expert” who helped Tony put together the routine, Ted, this guy was in P90X2 I think. I will have to check, but I remember thinking this guy was pissing me off in some other Yoga session. And the last lady was some tasty blonde. (must have missed the name) Tony’s only comment is that she had squirted out 6 kids and still looked hot. My only thought was that if she keeps bending over like that number 7 won’t be too long in showing up.
Overall, I kind of enjoyed P90X3 Yoga. Any more than 30 minutes and I would have been pissed just like in P90X and P90X2.
Diet: 1,294 gross calories in. Net of 1,094. (200 Calories burned in YogaX)
Nutrition: 36% Protein, 32% Fat, 32% Carbs (I snuck in a Coffee with Cream and Sugar, sending Fat and Carbs up)
Steps: 7,128 – another crappy day at work. Locked to the desk.
Active Minutes: 20
Calories Burned: 2562