Isometrix… A fancy name for “More Fucking Yoga!”. And guess what else? It is the “hardest” part of Yoga… Upon hearing this, I was already this close to turning the DVD off and popping open a couple of beers instead. I am already pissed about this thing and we are still just listening to Tony yammer on before the thing actually gets started. Cut to workout room and I am thinking, I hope there are a couple new “Kids” for this. Nope.. Instead it is that dipshit Ted “The Traveling Yoga Guy” and Dreya “flies through the air like a professionally tossed midget” Weber. Shit and double shit!! But wait, there is some other new guy who kind of looks normal. His name is Nate the surfer looking dude and he is a test group survior, and he owns an airline. Holy Shit, Fly me away to the land of hash in every baggie and Bongs in every garage dude. Enough of this introduction crap lets get started.
No warmup here, lets just jump in and begin punishing everyone right from the start. So Isometrix involves an upper move (45 seconds in duration) followed by a lower body move (another 45 seconds in duration), then switch sides and repeat. So start with a plank, then lift the left arm straight out (now you are in tripod plank) hold this for 45 fricking seconds. So after about 15 seconds you start to shake a little and maybe wobble a bit. By 30 seconds “you got the fire going in there” as your shoulders and joints will let you know. Once you finally hear old Captain Douchebag start to count down from 5-4-3-2 and down, you will never be so happy to hear his dumbass talk in your entire life. So here is the order of torture in this workout.
Plank – Arm Reach: Stay in plank, reach out with one of your arms.
Standing Leg Extension – Stand on one leg, extend other leg out in front of you. Keep your balance and get it up there.
Plank – Arm and Leg lift: Now you balance on 1 arm and 1 leg in plank. (remember, you have 45 seconds of this)
Chair – with 1 leg extended forward: Basically a 1 legged chair.
Forearm Side Balance: Like a side arm balance, but you get to stay on your forearm instead
Royal Dancer: Balance on 1 leg, reach 1 arm back and grab toe of leg that is up in the air. I look more like a Royal Idiot doing this.
One Arm Sphinx: You get the picture here. Look like an egyptian for 45 seconds each side.
Tree Pose:- At last an easy one.
Side Arm Balance: We have done these before, but now you have to balance for 45 seconds. Wobble and shake..
Warrior 3: Again, this is not so bad when you move through it quickly, but holding the pose for 45 sucks balls.
Bound Dog: This requires you to be a little more flexible, I could not get into the proper pose for this.
Inner Balance: Stand on one leg and balance, should be easy right? Forgot to tell you, close your eyes and balance. Not so easy anymore.
Moon Dog: Kind of like a Half Moon pose, but arms out to the front. Tough on the legs after 45 seconds each side.
Extra move: Crane. Yeah right.
Overall, I did not mind this workout as much as I thought that I would. Yes the whole Tony and Dreya thing goes on and gets a little tedious with him preening all over her. But you work up a pretty good sweat while really not jumping or moving around much at all. Calorie burn was a little low at just under 200, but you would never know it. This is probably just what the doctor ordered for my knee that is starting to get sore and swollen. It was nice to see a slightly normal person who actually stumbles and falls a few times doing these moves, so Nate is a great addition. Looking forward to doing this workout again, to see if I can get better at some of the moves.
Diet: 1,214 Gross Calories, Net of 1012
Nutrition Breakdown: 47% Protein, 41% Fat, 12% Carbs.
Active Minutes: 29
Calories Burned: 2558