Day 87 – Ken Po vs. Tony Ho

February 24, 2010

The final session of Kenpo is now in the books.  I knew it was going to be the final Kenpo of my P90X journey so I put on my Hong Kong Phooey pajamas,  slipped into my Kobra Kai gi, and headed into the basement to kick some Tony Horton ass.   After going over some last minute instructions from Mr. Miyagi, I picked up my 2 lb hand weights and started punching, blocking, and kicking like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.   As I got further into the mission, I started wondering who this mysterious man Ken Po really was… Could it be a secret P90X operative?  Was Wesley Idol only a stage name, and Ken Po was his real name?  And why the fuck didn’t any of the 3 Tony Ho workout buddys actually punch and chop the shit out of him when he came over and PRETENDED to be hit by them?  

Now the picture on the right shows the EXACT move that I would use on Tony if he ever attempted to give me “huggers” like he did to Dreya Weber after one of the workouts.   As you can see, the technique involves a properly placed foot in the nutsack area to subdue the opponent.   Notice the form and concentration required to place the heel directly into the scrotum and crush the testicle with a single blow.   I personally feel that attempting to get into this striking postion puts to much strain on the knee.  So I would simply just use the good old fashioned Nut Punt to take care of business.   But I digress.

As I continue to kick and punch my way into a perfectly “ripped” body, I start thinking that maybe Vanessa the sweaty redhead may actually be Ken Po.   As Tony Ho points out, she is using actual DNA Removal techniques, it almost sounds kind of James Bond 007 like.   So I decide to investigate “Vanessa” more carefully.  I start by entering her picture into the Karate criminal database.   What do I find out…. Her real name is Kendra Polegobbler!!!!   HOLY CRAP Batman!!!  She may be the secret operative Ken Po!!!   How can I possibly warn Tony Horton in time!!!  I think her master plan is to remove some of Tony’s DNA and begin cloning him, filling the world with armys of complete douchebags!!!  But how is she going to get the DNA extracted from Tony??  Must put on thinking cap….. I got it!!!!  Looking back at the screen it all becomes clear.  Tony has that satisfied smirk on his face, and the glistening DNA around Vanessa’s mouth could only be one thing!!!!   

Will Ken Po be able to use the carefully hidden DNA to clone Tony and form an indestructable army of douchbags?  Are Wesley Idol and Tony the Ex-Marine destined to be killed by Tony Ho clones?  Is there a cure for being a douche?  Will Hong Kong Phooey save the day?  Are the Kobra Kai really just Tony Horton’s bastard children?  TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!!!!


Day 83 – Kenpo

February 22, 2010

The more I do Kenpo, the more I think that it is actually a better workout than some of the other ones.  Now that I have added weights to the hands (2.5 lb mini dumbells) this is actually a pretty good workout.   Basically the difference in this workout now compared to before, is that I keep the weights in my hands the ENTIRE workout.   Punches, kicks, blocks whatever… the weights stay in the hands and I make sure that I do MORE reps than Tony and his minions.   I have also gotten my hands on P90X +.  This has a disk called Kenpo Cardio Plus.   I have not looked at it yet, but I might just try that one on Day 87 which is supposed to me my final Kenpo day.

Down to 1 week remaining.  7 more days of pushing play.

Day 77 – Kenpo

February 15, 2010

Well the swelling behind my right knee has gone down some, so I did the Kenpo workout as usual.  All of the arm movements had two pound weights added to them.  Really concentrated on the form and made sure my horse stance looked more like Marvin Haglers, not Wesley Idol’s.   If you really bust ass on this workout, you can work up a good sweat, but I find that I really have to concentrate on putting everything into it and making sure I am following through and moving the legs etc…

The swollen knee did not bother me at all, but did swell up a little more once the workout was done.  So I applied ice and heat back and forth for about an hour afterwards.  Can’t let this keep me from finishing my 90 days.

Day 69 – Kenpo

February 8, 2010

Sixty-Nine Days in?  There must be some juvenile humor that I can plug in here, but that would be to easy.   So instead I will discuss the excellent workout that Kenpo has become now that I have added the additional weights to my hands.  I use 3lb neoprene dumbells in each hand while doing all of the moves.  I also focus on bending and moving and keeping the core as tight as possible in each and every round.  And I mean tight, and each rep is a full twist and/or bend or drag or claw or sword or whatever.  No half ass Henry on any of this. 

 So what used to seem like the easiest of the DVD’s is now one of the more challenging.  I read lots of blogs that say this workout is too easy and they swap out biking or jogging for it instead.   I felt the same way a couple weeks ago, but not anymore.  I am really focusing on keeping the core tight, adding the extra hand weights, and getting into deep horse stances like the Marvin Hagler look alike guy.   Now this workout feels more like the Plyo workout when I am done.

With that being said, once my 90 days are finished will Kenpo be one of the workouts I return to on a regular basis?  Maybe not.  I think when the weather warms up, I will do this workout with my heavy bag in the garage.  The actual landing of punches and added weight of gloves should make it even better.   I will probably keep Kenpo as an every other week workout or as an occasional filler, but drop it from any regular rotation.  Remember, the workouts are only as good as the effort that you put into them.

Day 62 – Kenpo

February 1, 2010

This weeks Kenpo was a really good workout as I used the 2.5 lb softgrip dumbells during the entire thing.  This made the workout that much more difficult and boy were my arms tired after finishing.   For some reason this workout really bothers my hamstrings and they were already starting to feel sore as I was going through the kick section.   For anyone out there who is complaining that this workout is not tough enough, maybe you are not putting the full effort into it.   I know that I felt that way as well, but this week I really focused on working every second and by adding in the hand weights, it was a very good workout.

Now last time I did the Kenpo workout, I could have swore that Tony yells out “In the Butt” while performing the High sword/low hammer move.  So this time I was careful to listen and sure enough with about 22:51 remaining in the work out, it sure sounds like Tony screams out “In the Butt!!!”   I am not sure if he is dreaming about Wesley Idol or if he accidentally slipped while trying to say ” In the Gut”, but either way he appears to have a guilty look on his face.  Kind of like he just got caught with a bottle of Jergens hand lotion and a box of Kleenex in his room.

I also managed to get the Day 60 pictures taken.  I need to get them cropped and compared to the Day 1 and Day 30 shots.   If I finally start to show some improvements, I may actually post some of them.   This is some stubborn Jello I have layered on me.  Must be made from real horse hoofs.

Day 52 – Kenpo

January 20, 2010

Another round of Kenpo during the rest week.  I think I might be getting a little run down or sick.  I had a hard time getting through Kenpo today and usually it is much easier.  Last time I did the workout it was with my wife, and it seemed to go pretty well.  Today I was huffing and puffing like a 3 pack a day marshmallow boy.  It took at least 30 minutes to finally get going and feeling better.   Maybe it was because I was upset that my Hong Kong Phooey PJ’s did not show up yet.

Now maybe I was hearing things, or maybe the sickness seeping into my body caused me think I heard something, but at one point in the workout I could swear I heard Tony the Uber Creeper say “In the Butt!!”   Now Dreya is nowhere to be found in this workout, so all that I can think of is that Tonys supercharged hormones were kicking in and without Dreya nearby to fondle, he simply yelled out what he wanted Wesley Idol to do to him.   Next time I do this workout I will have to note the time remaining when he yells that out.

Another thing about this workout.  Tony the ex-marine looks alot like Marvelous Marvin Hagler (a great boxer from the 80’s for all of you youngsters out there)   Every time I do this workout I think, “man, Marvin Hagler still looks young compared to Tony”.   I just wish ex-marine Tony would suddenly turn into Marvin Hagler and put a beatdown on Tony Horton like he did to Tommy Hearns.     Then after the fight, Wesley could step in and pick up the Knocked out Tony and carry him to the corner just like Tommy Hearns brother did back in the day.  

Enough blathering about boxers from back in the 80’s…  Looking at my modified schedule due to my trip to sin city, I have YogaX tomorrow.  DAMN.  I think I would rather have my balls pounded flat with a wooden mallet than have to do that again so soon.  Maybe I will sub in something else like Insanity Fit Test or Cardio X.

Day 48 – Kenpo Pairs

January 19, 2010

Today I did the Kenpo workout at the same time as my wife.  (Pretty cool that she has stuck with it thus far)   So we fire up the Kenpo DVD and I instantly start bagging on Wesley Idol for his apparent half-assed effort.   She comes to his defense and begins explaining how Tony is the complete pin-dick of the month with the way he struts around and tries to act all bad-ass.   So now it is a comparison to see who is really sandbagging it more, Tony with his “let’s check on the kids”  way of skipping out on the routine,  or Wesley whose version of a horse stance looks more like a soldier standing at attention.

As we get deeper into the DVD and Tony starts to pretend like the Red-headed troll and Wesley are actually hitting him, we both come to the conclusion that it would be best if the 3 “kids” would just gang up on Tony and tie his ass up in the middle of the room.  Then take turns using him as a punching bag for all of their Kenpo kicks and punches.  I think the ratings would go through the roof for that episode.

Anyways I was able to work through the Kenpo pretty easily, while the wife needed some breaks still.  (She is only a week or two into trying out the program)  It is more fun doing the workout with a partner, as I really seemed to try harder on all the reps and was not as willing to take the water breaks off.   Note to self, no more workouts with wife, makes you work to hard.